Start With WHY

I am currently finishing up a book called Start With Why by Simon Sinek, which has challenged me to be transparent. Thankfully, entrepreneurship only came after the WHY was already established (there really would be no other reason for me to otherwise create this path). And, I can easily explain to you HOW or WHAT I do, but it's time to share WHY I intentionally chose this path of guiding women through unexpected changes in order to return to wellness. The WHY is certainly a bit more vulnerable, but vulnerability breeds connection. And, a basic need as human beings on this earth, is to feel a part of something. So, here I am, connecting with you from the inside out and sharing how largely parallel we live our lives - which doesn't mean our stories are the same, but rather that we can empathize in our likeness because we understand the role that challenge, fear, excitement and joy all play into our well being.

*Within this blog, there are two separately written segments. The reflection of one on the other is amazing for me to read and re-read, despite living this very story.

Deep (umbrella) breath….

————

The first time I remember feeling passionate about anything, I was an adult. I remember being younger and wondering where my deepest interests would lie, as my friends often shared strongly about things they wanted to do or to be in the future, and listed their favorites in any and every category. But not me. Except for the color purple. I have always loved purple. But that was as deep as passion went for me: color. I was acutely aware of this and often wondered how people KNEW what they loved so much that they shared with everyone and dove in head first. For me, it took a while; after undergrad, after physical therapy school, and after getting married. ...honestly, I can pinpoint it down to 3 months after having my first child, when I realized that his birth didn't have to go the way it did. I know the exact moment.

Just like most, my eyes were opened in watching the documentary The Business of Being Born. Unfortunately, I watched it three months "too late," while trying to process his birth and deal with unexpected postpartum depression. I can remember thinking: *If* we were to have another child, things would have to be different. I would need to be in control of my choices in care. And this would prove difficult in the rural seeing in which I live.

Since then, I have spent hours driving for empowering care (at times, 2+ hrs each way); care that keeps our family as the center. I have read countless books, listened to every podcast, watched documentaries, perused various group threads, articles....you name it and there's a good chance I've participated. All in the name of being as educated as possible for the sake of my health and my family's health.

In seeking knowledge and in living my story, I realized my life's passion in birth.

We went on to have three more babies.

And then there was the fifth....in which we experienced a pregnancy loss at 11+ weeks.

Far different from any of my other pregnancies, I had significant low back and neck pain from about week seven until she was born at week 11. I couldn't sleep, perform my job correctly, play with my kids, etc. Unfortunately, this pain didn't end upon losing her at 11 weeks. And so it became physical pain on top of emotional pain. I only fully realized, weeks later, that this would indeed be considered the postpartum time period. And for some reason that helped connect me with routes of healing. I saw a close friend, an orthopedic physical therapist, for help. And slowly was able to gain back my physical health.

Return to emotional health, however, required a different and unexpected element. During this time of lack of control and grieving, I processed our pregnancy loss by planning how to help other women. I linked my passion with my professional abilities and the connection was like a bolt of lightening that I could not ignore. It was quick and easy. Bloom happened and I realized that my knowledge gained over five very different pregnancies would not be lost.

Ask any of my close friends and they will tell you that we've had many deep conversations about how to know you're done having children. I have loved this childbearing time period so much that I thought I needed ALL THE BABIES. But, as I've created this new business I've realized that I can gracefully move forward, even if I'm not to have another baby myself. My ability to share experiences, knowledge, and assistance to other mothers through my line of work brings me great peace - that my passion doesn't have to be diminished just because this personal season may be over.

Bloom started long ago; probably in PT school when in our business class I forced myself to say I didn't want to own a business (but my drive and leadership were already pulling me into independence). It was fueled by my 3 year doctoral research project "The Role of the Physical Therapist in the Improvement of Quality of Life and Sexual Function for Women with Urinary Incontinence." And it became a clear and refined vision through healing from loss.

Bloom is the beginning and the beauty, the seed and the petal, work and the reward, the origin and the destination, the passion and the product, the mother and child.

Bloom is here to serve you, and me through you. And our families through us.

----

Update: Soon after this was originally written, we lost a second baby and the path for Bloom became even more refined. My full broken being went into creating an even more clear vision for Bloom; my anchor when so much was spiraling.

Every detail of my office space is intentional and meant for healing. Every thought was guided towards serving others, in turn, easing my own discomfort.

And then, on the exact day I turned in signed papers to formally register Bloom as a business, I found out that we are again expecting.

It's different this seventh time. Caution wins over excitement. And often fear over joy. Our celebrations are distant, but they're there. And the beauty at the end of the long storm is not only my own rainbow, but the deeper connection I experience with each searching mama I am blessed to be walking alongside.

I am not here because my journey has been easy. I'm here because it is hard and worth sharing. I am not able to serve because I am different than you. I am able to serve because I am you: struggling, learning, celebrating, and persevering.

And Bloom is blooming because the model of care is based in partnership. I see in you what you see in me and together we conquer goals and return to our lives. Never the same; stronger, more resilient, and vulnerable - but able to connect. And, importantly, able to see when change is necessary and valuable.

My sincerest gratitude for allowing me to experience your journeys with you, and in turn, find connection that inspires me daily and reminds me of how blessed I am to not only live my passion, but to be able to move forward from it and use it in meaningful work that supports my family and community.